Growing up...what's that all about?

I have had a lot of experiences lately with work that have had me banging my head against the wall and questioning what growing up is all about. I work with youth in custody (YIC) who range from 14 to 19 years of age. I know that I have spoken of them before. In the last month I have been racking my brain trying to motivate one particular youth. This particular person has failed to fulfill his assignments on multiple occasions so I requested that he write a 1000 word essay on responsibility. What I received was a 1000 word rant on how unfair his life was and how he was sorry that he had relapsed into his prior behavior and broken the trust of his foster parents. I took it back to him, reexplained his assignment and asked him to write me a college-level essay on responsibility. He turned in, 2 days late, an explanation that he was irresponsible because he didn't do chores growing up.While it was a vast improvement from the first paper, it did not fulfill ANY of the requirements I established. So after asking a second opinion of my bosses and his foster mother, I asked him for a rewrite. I sat down with a definition of responsibility and the introduction of a sample essay on responsibility. I made him read through the rough draft of my very first college essay (which received a C letter grade), and I again asked him for a college level essay on responsibility. Since he had failed twice I made a more strict deadline and told him that he would write a 1000 words a day with a minimum of a 2000 word essay. He was told to have it done a specific day and that each additional day would require an extra 1000 words. Today he turned in a barely 2000 word essay on the day that 4000 words were do. When I asked him why it was not 4000 words he said, "because I have already written two essays on this topic." He then had the gall to ask me for an extension. Three weeks after his original essay was due he still has learned NOTHING about responsibility.

So what is responsibility? According to the dictionary, it is the state or fact of being responsible; a particular burden of obligation, reliability or dependability. From its various definitions I combined the meaning to understand that responsibility is accountability; it is capability and follow through. It is being reliable and trustworthy. It is a burden of obligation and being dependable and answerable. It is growing up.

The older we get the more we are capable of, which means the more we are responsible for.
At age 5 we become accountable to our school teachers.
At age 8 we become accountable before God.
At some age in between we become accountable to our parents for our portion of the household work.
At age 16 we become accountable for a car and everybody in it.
At age 18 we become accountable to the United States government as we become capable of voting.
At age 21 we become accountable for the appropriate use of alcohol.

The list goes on as we become responsible for rent, car payments, tuition, jobs, children, spouses, parents and grandparents, as they age. Life is an endless lesson in RESPONSIBILITY. When you first say that it can be a little bit daunting and possibly even depressing. But what is more life-affirming than the recognition of our immense capabilities as we prove to ourselves and the world that we are TRUSTWORTHY, ACCOUNTABLE, RELIABLE, DEPENDABLE, and dare I repeat CAPABLE? As we are responsible for our commitments, our obligations, our promises and our time, we become aware of our own worth and divine nature as children of the Most High God.

The media for years has marketed this idea of a poor self-esteem and the need to encourage children in their self-image. As a result, for years, falsely inflated egos have entered the academic realm and lowered standards; they have entered the work force and lowered the standard of work ethic in order to accommodate these ever so fragile self-esteems. But what better source of self-esteem than knowing your own worth because you are a responsible person. Because your word is as binding as any contract, because your quality of work is the best that you can give, because people can rely on you to get your work done right and on time. Because you are trustworthy, accountable, reliable, dependable, capable. You are responsible.

In my church on Sunday we had a moving lesson on the discourse given by Neil L. Andersen, titled What Thinks Christ of Me? (click this link to read the speech). This question was central in the lesson and discussion. As I pondered this question I was reminded of this essay I asked this boy to write. I thought to myself Christ's opinion of me is probably based on how much he can count on me. Do I keep the commitments I made to him when I was baptized in his name? Do I actively build a relationship with him through daily prayer and scripture study. Do I recognize his hand in my life? Am I dependable enough that he can prompt me to help a hand drooping in sorrow and know that I will be there to lift that person from despair? Am I someone he can turn to in order to touch the lives of his flock? and if not, what am I going to do today so that I will know what Christ thinks of me? So that I can answer yes to every single question, so that I can know that I am trustworthy, not only with my neighbors and friends, but that I am trustworthy for my God.

So how do we get there?

I wish that I had all the answers. I wish that I could be writing this 20 years down the road with the 20/20 vision of hindsight. I wish that I could say "been there, done that", but I am as far from knowing with certainty "what thinks Christ of me" as the next person. I can tell you what I do know. I know that no matter where we are in life, and no matter what we have done, God loves us. No matter how irresponsible this young boy that I work with is, God loves him. Even if He is still using other people to serve us, instead of us to serve others, it's okay. He is patient. He is kind. He understands; He is perfect. And He will wait as we figure it out. He will wait for that relationship and He will test our responsibility as He encourages us to glimpse the eternities and see our true potential.

Although I begrudging am growing up; I eagerly look forward to the day that I can say I am there. Many times in our lives we are asked what we would like to be when we grow up. Answers can very from the adorable fireman to mothers and teachers or politicians, but after nearly 25 years of searching, I think I finally know what I want to be when I grow up.

RESPONSIBLE