17 October 2012
So, I was given a homework assignment a couple of months ago which I did not complete. My assignment was to blog; instead that weekend, I went grocery shopping, and rearranged furniture, and went to a bridal shower, and watched Despicable Me, and went to regional conference. All in all, I think it was a good use of my time, but I did not blog.
24 July 2012
Growing up...what's that all about?
I have had a lot of experiences lately with work that have had me banging my head against the wall and questioning what growing up is all about. I work with youth in custody (YIC) who range from 14 to 19 years of age. I know that I have spoken of them before. In the last month I have been racking my brain trying to motivate one particular youth. This particular person has failed to fulfill his assignments on multiple occasions so I requested that he write a 1000 word essay on responsibility. What I received was a 1000 word rant on how unfair his life was and how he was sorry that he had relapsed into his prior behavior and broken the trust of his foster parents. I took it back to him, reexplained his assignment and asked him to write me a college-level essay on responsibility. He turned in, 2 days late, an explanation that he was irresponsible because he didn't do chores growing up.While it was a vast improvement from the first paper, it did not fulfill ANY of the requirements I established. So after asking a second opinion of my bosses and his foster mother, I asked him for a rewrite. I sat down with a definition of responsibility and the introduction of a sample essay on responsibility. I made him read through the rough draft of my very first college essay (which received a C letter grade), and I again asked him for a college level essay on responsibility. Since he had failed twice I made a more strict deadline and told him that he would write a 1000 words a day with a minimum of a 2000 word essay. He was told to have it done a specific day and that each additional day would require an extra 1000 words. Today he turned in a barely 2000 word essay on the day that 4000 words were do. When I asked him why it was not 4000 words he said, "because I have already written two essays on this topic." He then had the gall to ask me for an extension. Three weeks after his original essay was due he still has learned NOTHING about responsibility.
The older we get the more we are capable of, which means the more we are responsible for.
At age 5 we become accountable to our school teachers.
At age 8 we become accountable before God.
At some age in between we become accountable to our parents for our portion of the household work.
At age 16 we become accountable for a car and everybody in it.
At age 18 we become accountable to the United States government as we become capable of voting.
At age 21 we become accountable for the appropriate use of alcohol.
The list goes on as we become responsible for rent, car payments, tuition, jobs, children, spouses, parents and grandparents, as they age. Life is an endless lesson in RESPONSIBILITY. When you first say that it can be a little bit daunting and possibly even depressing. But what is more life-affirming than the recognition of our immense capabilities as we prove to ourselves and the world that we are TRUSTWORTHY, ACCOUNTABLE, RELIABLE, DEPENDABLE, and dare I repeat CAPABLE? As we are responsible for our commitments, our obligations, our promises and our time, we become aware of our own worth and divine nature as children of the Most High God.
The media for years has marketed this idea of a poor self-esteem and the need to encourage children in their self-image. As a result, for years, falsely inflated egos have entered the academic realm and lowered standards; they have entered the work force and lowered the standard of work ethic in order to accommodate these ever so fragile self-esteems. But what better source of self-esteem than knowing your own worth because you are a responsible person. Because your word is as binding as any contract, because your quality of work is the best that you can give, because people can rely on you to get your work done right and on time. Because you are trustworthy, accountable, reliable, dependable, capable. You are responsible.
In my church on Sunday we had a moving lesson on the discourse given by Neil L. Andersen, titled What Thinks Christ of Me? (click this link to read the speech). This question was central in the lesson and discussion. As I pondered this question I was reminded of this essay I asked this boy to write. I thought to myself Christ's opinion of me is probably based on how much he can count on me. Do I keep the commitments I made to him when I was baptized in his name? Do I actively build a relationship with him through daily prayer and scripture study. Do I recognize his hand in my life? Am I dependable enough that he can prompt me to help a hand drooping in sorrow and know that I will be there to lift that person from despair? Am I someone he can turn to in order to touch the lives of his flock? and if not, what am I going to do today so that I will know what Christ thinks of me? So that I can answer yes to every single question, so that I can know that I am trustworthy, not only with my neighbors and friends, but that I am trustworthy for my God.
So how do we get there?
I wish that I had all the answers. I wish that I could be writing this 20 years down the road with the 20/20 vision of hindsight. I wish that I could say "been there, done that", but I am as far from knowing with certainty "what thinks Christ of me" as the next person. I can tell you what I do know. I know that no matter where we are in life, and no matter what we have done, God loves us. No matter how irresponsible this young boy that I work with is, God loves him. Even if He is still using other people to serve us, instead of us to serve others, it's okay. He is patient. He is kind. He understands; He is perfect. And He will wait as we figure it out. He will wait for that relationship and He will test our responsibility as He encourages us to glimpse the eternities and see our true potential.
Although I begrudging am growing up; I eagerly look forward to the day that I can say I am there. Many times in our lives we are asked what we would like to be when we grow up. Answers can very from the adorable fireman to mothers and teachers or politicians, but after nearly 25 years of searching, I think I finally know what I want to be when I grow up.
RESPONSIBLE
So what is responsibility? According to the dictionary, it is the state or fact of being responsible; a particular burden of obligation, reliability or dependability. From its various definitions I combined the meaning to understand that responsibility is accountability; it is capability and follow through. It is being reliable and trustworthy. It is a burden of obligation and being dependable and answerable. It is growing up.
The older we get the more we are capable of, which means the more we are responsible for.
At age 5 we become accountable to our school teachers.
At age 8 we become accountable before God.
At some age in between we become accountable to our parents for our portion of the household work.
At age 16 we become accountable for a car and everybody in it.
At age 18 we become accountable to the United States government as we become capable of voting.
At age 21 we become accountable for the appropriate use of alcohol.
The list goes on as we become responsible for rent, car payments, tuition, jobs, children, spouses, parents and grandparents, as they age. Life is an endless lesson in RESPONSIBILITY. When you first say that it can be a little bit daunting and possibly even depressing. But what is more life-affirming than the recognition of our immense capabilities as we prove to ourselves and the world that we are TRUSTWORTHY, ACCOUNTABLE, RELIABLE, DEPENDABLE, and dare I repeat CAPABLE? As we are responsible for our commitments, our obligations, our promises and our time, we become aware of our own worth and divine nature as children of the Most High God.
The media for years has marketed this idea of a poor self-esteem and the need to encourage children in their self-image. As a result, for years, falsely inflated egos have entered the academic realm and lowered standards; they have entered the work force and lowered the standard of work ethic in order to accommodate these ever so fragile self-esteems. But what better source of self-esteem than knowing your own worth because you are a responsible person. Because your word is as binding as any contract, because your quality of work is the best that you can give, because people can rely on you to get your work done right and on time. Because you are trustworthy, accountable, reliable, dependable, capable. You are responsible.
In my church on Sunday we had a moving lesson on the discourse given by Neil L. Andersen, titled What Thinks Christ of Me? (click this link to read the speech). This question was central in the lesson and discussion. As I pondered this question I was reminded of this essay I asked this boy to write. I thought to myself Christ's opinion of me is probably based on how much he can count on me. Do I keep the commitments I made to him when I was baptized in his name? Do I actively build a relationship with him through daily prayer and scripture study. Do I recognize his hand in my life? Am I dependable enough that he can prompt me to help a hand drooping in sorrow and know that I will be there to lift that person from despair? Am I someone he can turn to in order to touch the lives of his flock? and if not, what am I going to do today so that I will know what Christ thinks of me? So that I can answer yes to every single question, so that I can know that I am trustworthy, not only with my neighbors and friends, but that I am trustworthy for my God.
So how do we get there?
I wish that I had all the answers. I wish that I could be writing this 20 years down the road with the 20/20 vision of hindsight. I wish that I could say "been there, done that", but I am as far from knowing with certainty "what thinks Christ of me" as the next person. I can tell you what I do know. I know that no matter where we are in life, and no matter what we have done, God loves us. No matter how irresponsible this young boy that I work with is, God loves him. Even if He is still using other people to serve us, instead of us to serve others, it's okay. He is patient. He is kind. He understands; He is perfect. And He will wait as we figure it out. He will wait for that relationship and He will test our responsibility as He encourages us to glimpse the eternities and see our true potential.
Although I begrudging am growing up; I eagerly look forward to the day that I can say I am there. Many times in our lives we are asked what we would like to be when we grow up. Answers can very from the adorable fireman to mothers and teachers or politicians, but after nearly 25 years of searching, I think I finally know what I want to be when I grow up.
RESPONSIBLE
19 June 2012
Miracles
A while back a friend elicited a promise from me that I would blog once a month; if you can't tell I have failed miserably. However, I try to think quality over quantity whenever I feel guilty. My thoughts have been all over the place lately. First of all, when my friends whom I do not see often ask me what has been going on in my life I am naturally inclined to tell them that my life is boring and that I lack stories to tell. I have recently realized that is not technically true; I have miracles. Maybe my life isn't as exciting as M-'s because I am not living in a foreign country, nor A-'s because I am not planning my wedding and done with school, nor is life as interesting as K-'s as she prepares for twins. But I am still so grateful to be where I am and my life is interesting enough.
I work with youth in custody, as a mentor, a chauffeur, and sometimes a babysitter. In the last couple of weeks I have gone from working with a couple of teenagers to a minivan full. My kids (as I call them) range from 14 to 19 in age and are just as different in personality. With some the 5 hours a week together is fun and goes by fast, and for others it can be frustrating. A is like a sibling, N reminds me of my brothers, M is full of it and obnoxious, K is a lot of talk but seems sincere, T is a slow mover, and T was brainwashed and I am just trying to figure out where the training ends and he/she starts. For a few of them it is too early to tell what they are really like and where we will go with our time together, but I frequently try to remind myself that they are all children of God. Sometimes it is easier than others. However, last week as I drove two youth to court I was blessed with a reminder of why I do what I do. I have know these youth for almost a year I have been able to see them progress and grow in the last year; you might even call it a miracle. In part I wonder how much of their change is just growing up, how much is the work that we do, and how much is the hand of the Lord. One of the two was baptized in foster care while the other is a Jehovah's Witness and neither are active in their faith.
Three years ago I found myself in the MTC; I had the best companions and I learned a lot from them. However, an MTC experience that I have thought a lot about in the last couple of years occurred in Madrid, as my companion and I taught Pres. Hill. I honestly don't remember what we shared with him, but I will never forget what he shared with us. President Hill pointed out that we always find conditional wording in the scriptures when the end result is dependent on human agency. "...men are that they MIGHT have joy." As I have thought of the miracles I have witnessed in the recent past, it strikes me how dependent miracles are on our faith or our action.
My other miracles have very much depended on the exercise of "blind" faith. As back ground description, I wear hard contacts which can be expensive. I recently acquired a new pair of contacts which explains my lack of desire to purchase new ones. A couple of weeks ago, I was taking my contacts out when one dropped on the carpet. I immediately got down on my knees and started looking for the contact. After a couple of minutes of looking I grabbed a flashlight (not for lack of light but to catch the contact at an angle with the light) and offered up a prayer pleading for assistance. As I continued to search, I looked everywhere twice. I wanted to give up many times as the probability of finding the object of my search was slim indeed. But I persisted in faith that the Lord would answer my prayer and I would find it. And when I reached the moment of deciding that perhaps my Father and I were disagreeing on the importance of this contact or that perhaps I was meant to learn something else besides the fact that my prayers are heard: There it was, directly in front of me on a section of the floor that I had searched at least 4 times quite thoroughly. In the moment of finding it, I knew that it was a miracle (small though it was) and that it was a lesson to me in the Power of God.
Another miracle as it were occurred the very next day. I had an appointment of sorts at 11 a.m. and I arrived early enough to escort some friends who had never been to that building to the entrance they needed before heading to my entrance. As I approached I looked for a paper that allows me admittance and could not find it anywhere. At first I was not at all worried as I had placed the paper in my purse before leaving the house. However, after searching twice, I realized it must have fallen out in the car. Looking at my watch I noted that it was 10:40 and that I would not have time to walk back to the where my vehicle was located and get back in time for my 11 o'clock meeting. However, I decided to return to my car and use my time in another manner until my friends meeting ended. When I got to my car and found the paper I needed, I glanced down at my watch and it still said 10:40. This did not surprise me since the face of my clock does not have any numbers or lines designating the times; I frequently am off on my telling of time by a couple of minutes one way or another. I digress; encouraged by the time, I decided to try to make my meeting. I climbed the three flights of stairs to street level, and ran to make the light crossing the street. I hurried to the door and got caught behind a large group of the rather elderly (thus slow-moving) . However, as I finally gained entrance, I glanced at my watch to see how much time I had and was astonished to see that my watch still read 10:40. It was at that moment that I recognized the miracle that had occurred. Time had literally stood still while I got to where I needed to go. I even made it to my meeting early.
I was so humbled as I reflected on the miracles that I have seen in the past weeks. They were small, and probably insignificant to most people. Many would pass it off as coincidence or the power of perseverance, but I recognized the hand of the Lord in my life. Some might call them Tender Mercies, others just blessings, but for me those moments were miracles. I know that our faith can create miracles when needed. God's will and ours are not always the same, but when they are miracles can occur. I was reflecting upon the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego when they were faced with being thrown in the fiery furnace for not worshiping the idols of the Babylonians. Their response was along the lines of "Our God will save us, but if not we will still believe." If I hadn't made it to my meeting, if I hadn't found my contact, and if the youth I work with never change, I would still know that God is still a God of miracles.
I don't know if any of this makes any sense but don't forget to have the faith to witness miracles in your own life.
I work with youth in custody, as a mentor, a chauffeur, and sometimes a babysitter. In the last couple of weeks I have gone from working with a couple of teenagers to a minivan full. My kids (as I call them) range from 14 to 19 in age and are just as different in personality. With some the 5 hours a week together is fun and goes by fast, and for others it can be frustrating. A is like a sibling, N reminds me of my brothers, M is full of it and obnoxious, K is a lot of talk but seems sincere, T is a slow mover, and T was brainwashed and I am just trying to figure out where the training ends and he/she starts. For a few of them it is too early to tell what they are really like and where we will go with our time together, but I frequently try to remind myself that they are all children of God. Sometimes it is easier than others. However, last week as I drove two youth to court I was blessed with a reminder of why I do what I do. I have know these youth for almost a year I have been able to see them progress and grow in the last year; you might even call it a miracle. In part I wonder how much of their change is just growing up, how much is the work that we do, and how much is the hand of the Lord. One of the two was baptized in foster care while the other is a Jehovah's Witness and neither are active in their faith.
Three years ago I found myself in the MTC; I had the best companions and I learned a lot from them. However, an MTC experience that I have thought a lot about in the last couple of years occurred in Madrid, as my companion and I taught Pres. Hill. I honestly don't remember what we shared with him, but I will never forget what he shared with us. President Hill pointed out that we always find conditional wording in the scriptures when the end result is dependent on human agency. "...men are that they MIGHT have joy." As I have thought of the miracles I have witnessed in the recent past, it strikes me how dependent miracles are on our faith or our action.
My other miracles have very much depended on the exercise of "blind" faith. As back ground description, I wear hard contacts which can be expensive. I recently acquired a new pair of contacts which explains my lack of desire to purchase new ones. A couple of weeks ago, I was taking my contacts out when one dropped on the carpet. I immediately got down on my knees and started looking for the contact. After a couple of minutes of looking I grabbed a flashlight (not for lack of light but to catch the contact at an angle with the light) and offered up a prayer pleading for assistance. As I continued to search, I looked everywhere twice. I wanted to give up many times as the probability of finding the object of my search was slim indeed. But I persisted in faith that the Lord would answer my prayer and I would find it. And when I reached the moment of deciding that perhaps my Father and I were disagreeing on the importance of this contact or that perhaps I was meant to learn something else besides the fact that my prayers are heard: There it was, directly in front of me on a section of the floor that I had searched at least 4 times quite thoroughly. In the moment of finding it, I knew that it was a miracle (small though it was) and that it was a lesson to me in the Power of God.
Another miracle as it were occurred the very next day. I had an appointment of sorts at 11 a.m. and I arrived early enough to escort some friends who had never been to that building to the entrance they needed before heading to my entrance. As I approached I looked for a paper that allows me admittance and could not find it anywhere. At first I was not at all worried as I had placed the paper in my purse before leaving the house. However, after searching twice, I realized it must have fallen out in the car. Looking at my watch I noted that it was 10:40 and that I would not have time to walk back to the where my vehicle was located and get back in time for my 11 o'clock meeting. However, I decided to return to my car and use my time in another manner until my friends meeting ended. When I got to my car and found the paper I needed, I glanced down at my watch and it still said 10:40. This did not surprise me since the face of my clock does not have any numbers or lines designating the times; I frequently am off on my telling of time by a couple of minutes one way or another. I digress; encouraged by the time, I decided to try to make my meeting. I climbed the three flights of stairs to street level, and ran to make the light crossing the street. I hurried to the door and got caught behind a large group of the rather elderly (thus slow-moving) . However, as I finally gained entrance, I glanced at my watch to see how much time I had and was astonished to see that my watch still read 10:40. It was at that moment that I recognized the miracle that had occurred. Time had literally stood still while I got to where I needed to go. I even made it to my meeting early.
I was so humbled as I reflected on the miracles that I have seen in the past weeks. They were small, and probably insignificant to most people. Many would pass it off as coincidence or the power of perseverance, but I recognized the hand of the Lord in my life. Some might call them Tender Mercies, others just blessings, but for me those moments were miracles. I know that our faith can create miracles when needed. God's will and ours are not always the same, but when they are miracles can occur. I was reflecting upon the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego when they were faced with being thrown in the fiery furnace for not worshiping the idols of the Babylonians. Their response was along the lines of "Our God will save us, but if not we will still believe." If I hadn't made it to my meeting, if I hadn't found my contact, and if the youth I work with never change, I would still know that God is still a God of miracles.
I don't know if any of this makes any sense but don't forget to have the faith to witness miracles in your own life.
28 March 2012
And my soul hungered...
So I think I finally found the voice to everything that I have been feeling for the last couple of months. It started taking shape a couple of weeks ago with conversation I had with my roommate H. I had been sick that day and had stayed home from church, and of course, by the time everyone else got home I was on the mend and feeling very guilty for having missed the wonderful edification of the spirit. However, as my roomie and I talked about prayer, I was reminded about a line from a book I had recently read where a young woman had distanced herself from God, and in looking back she pin-pointed the moment as when she "lost the need to pray". I was humbled because I know that prayer is an essential part of everyday, and yet frequently I will be sitting in class and realize that I had forgotten to pray that morning; I always send off a repentant prayer, but it is not the same. Nothing can replace the strength and power that comes from kneeling before my Maker and pouring out my heart in sincere and sacred prayer. I am not prolific enough to even try to express the nature of prayer as I understand it in what I hope to be a direct and concise post, but this message, The Lifeline of Prayer by James E. Faust, sums it all up perfectly for me. Please read it. After this conversation I renewed my desire to become more faithful in my prayers. I started asking to find that "need". And as my God knows me so well, this week in church we reviewed the story of a man who knew very well the power of prayer Enos; the words "and my soul hungered" have reverberated in my heart because my soul does hunger to kneel down before my maker. I have rediscovered my need.
But my epiphany did not stop there; and yes it is one of those reoccurring epiphanies because my heart is hard enough that the Lord sees fit to reteach me the same lessons sometimes. Z pointed out on Sunday that Enos received answers to his prayers not because he was long-winded but because he prayed with sincerity and with every intention to do whatever our God required of him, and he did. Prayer is not just the action but the faith and the motivation behind it. It is not just the desire but the combination of works and intent. It is not enough to want to pray; it is not enough to offer rote prayers.
It is not enough to want to change or to change while glancing over our shoulder's looking back at Sodom. We have to want to change and then change without making excuses or wishing for what might have been; we have to change and lose all desire to sin.. Many times we want to do something but we are too comfortable or just aren't quite ready to give up our vices but those desire will do us no good with out the change of heart. There is a line that I have always loved that says when you have faith in Jesus Christ "you accomplish what the Lord wants you to accomplish." In other words you become who the Lord wants you to become, giving up all vices and sins until little by little, day after day, we become perfect. Now I have gotten off on a little tangent but it all ties in, I promise. If you want to learn more about faith and becoming as God would have us become I recommend this link Chapter 6 because I am going to return to my point.
Last month I attended a conference where marriage was emphasized; not in the usually way, which was a great relief, but one thing was said that really struck a cord with me. One lady told us that we can't be sitting around waiting for the next big thing in our life (marriage, career, etc.), we need to be on our feet actively engaged in and loving life. I thought about this a lot. "Am I actively enjoying life?" "Would a person on the street or in my class or in the car behind me or beside me know that I LOVE life?" In this moment, sitting among thousands of my peers, I felt a need to show my love for life but serving others. I felt a need to find more people to love. As I sat there and reflected on my life, I realize that I touch the lives of the people I work with and the people who I live with or those friends in study groups, but to the rest of the world I am a closed book. I go to class, to work, and to bed. I feel this emptiness in my life and in my heart, not because what I do isn't meaningful, not because I don't love or serve, but because I don't do enough. I went home from that conference determined to start serving strangers, and then reality set in: test after test, project after project, my burning desire was doused by the business of life itself and I justified delaying my inspired change to embrace life and love more. My soul hungered and I failed to feed it; I denied its hunger and have been starving it of the things it requires.
Because of the direction the last couple of my posts have taken, I have been thinking a lot about charity; it is the greatest gift we can have according to Paul (1 Cor 13). It is the ability to see our fellow men as the sons and daughters of God that they are and to love them as such. Over the past two months that I have reflected on this theme I have been reminded often of this quote:
I am easily annoyed by people, especially when driving, and I struggle not to judge or lose my patience. It is part of the reason that I have felt the need to find the love. When I feel God's love for me, it is easier to feel it for his children, and when I feel that charity towards my neighbors, it is easier to remember that God is my Father and He loves me more than I can ever hope to comprehend.
This week a young woman said something to me about how God has so many angels busy listening to and answering our prayers, and my heart hurt for her that she did not yet understand that as a daughter of the All Mighty God, He heard her prayers. Our faith in God is based in His very nature as a perfect being possessing the attributes of love, knowledge, justice, mercy, unchangeableness, and power; He is not some distant and impassionate power. He is the Father of our souls and that is why prayer is such a powerful thing. We don't pray to some random angel; we pray to God the Father in the name of His Son, Jesus Christ, and WE ARE HEARD.
The end result of my chastisement this week? It is not enough to want to serve more, love more, give more; until I "just do it", it is an one more failed dream all because I was too busy, too lazy, or too quick to explain away my time, my life, and my responsibility. So as I kneel down before my Father this night, I will pray to have the strength to "just do it". And if I pass you tomorrow, I hope that I am living my life in such a way that you will know that I enjoy it.
Another great article to read, if you have any time left after my rant is The Best is Yet to Come. Or even Foreget-me-not and Your Happily Ever After.
But my epiphany did not stop there; and yes it is one of those reoccurring epiphanies because my heart is hard enough that the Lord sees fit to reteach me the same lessons sometimes. Z pointed out on Sunday that Enos received answers to his prayers not because he was long-winded but because he prayed with sincerity and with every intention to do whatever our God required of him, and he did. Prayer is not just the action but the faith and the motivation behind it. It is not just the desire but the combination of works and intent. It is not enough to want to pray; it is not enough to offer rote prayers.
It is not enough to want to change or to change while glancing over our shoulder's looking back at Sodom. We have to want to change and then change without making excuses or wishing for what might have been; we have to change and lose all desire to sin.. Many times we want to do something but we are too comfortable or just aren't quite ready to give up our vices but those desire will do us no good with out the change of heart. There is a line that I have always loved that says when you have faith in Jesus Christ "you accomplish what the Lord wants you to accomplish." In other words you become who the Lord wants you to become, giving up all vices and sins until little by little, day after day, we become perfect. Now I have gotten off on a little tangent but it all ties in, I promise. If you want to learn more about faith and becoming as God would have us become I recommend this link Chapter 6 because I am going to return to my point.
Last month I attended a conference where marriage was emphasized; not in the usually way, which was a great relief, but one thing was said that really struck a cord with me. One lady told us that we can't be sitting around waiting for the next big thing in our life (marriage, career, etc.), we need to be on our feet actively engaged in and loving life. I thought about this a lot. "Am I actively enjoying life?" "Would a person on the street or in my class or in the car behind me or beside me know that I LOVE life?" In this moment, sitting among thousands of my peers, I felt a need to show my love for life but serving others. I felt a need to find more people to love. As I sat there and reflected on my life, I realize that I touch the lives of the people I work with and the people who I live with or those friends in study groups, but to the rest of the world I am a closed book. I go to class, to work, and to bed. I feel this emptiness in my life and in my heart, not because what I do isn't meaningful, not because I don't love or serve, but because I don't do enough. I went home from that conference determined to start serving strangers, and then reality set in: test after test, project after project, my burning desire was doused by the business of life itself and I justified delaying my inspired change to embrace life and love more. My soul hungered and I failed to feed it; I denied its hunger and have been starving it of the things it requires.
Because of the direction the last couple of my posts have taken, I have been thinking a lot about charity; it is the greatest gift we can have according to Paul (1 Cor 13). It is the ability to see our fellow men as the sons and daughters of God that they are and to love them as such. Over the past two months that I have reflected on this theme I have been reminded often of this quote:
"Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don't judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone's differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn't handle something the way we might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another's weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other."
-Marvin J. Ashton
I am easily annoyed by people, especially when driving, and I struggle not to judge or lose my patience. It is part of the reason that I have felt the need to find the love. When I feel God's love for me, it is easier to feel it for his children, and when I feel that charity towards my neighbors, it is easier to remember that God is my Father and He loves me more than I can ever hope to comprehend.
This week a young woman said something to me about how God has so many angels busy listening to and answering our prayers, and my heart hurt for her that she did not yet understand that as a daughter of the All Mighty God, He heard her prayers. Our faith in God is based in His very nature as a perfect being possessing the attributes of love, knowledge, justice, mercy, unchangeableness, and power; He is not some distant and impassionate power. He is the Father of our souls and that is why prayer is such a powerful thing. We don't pray to some random angel; we pray to God the Father in the name of His Son, Jesus Christ, and WE ARE HEARD.
The end result of my chastisement this week? It is not enough to want to serve more, love more, give more; until I "just do it", it is an one more failed dream all because I was too busy, too lazy, or too quick to explain away my time, my life, and my responsibility. So as I kneel down before my Father this night, I will pray to have the strength to "just do it". And if I pass you tomorrow, I hope that I am living my life in such a way that you will know that I enjoy it.
Another great article to read, if you have any time left after my rant is The Best is Yet to Come. Or even Foreget-me-not and Your Happily Ever After.
18 March 2012
Cheating
I know this is a total cop-out but I have had things I have wanted to say on my blog but haven't been able to formulate them into ideas. Today, I was reading a friends blog and it expresses a little bit of what I have wanted to say these past couple of months. Thanks M!
http://michellehoutz.blogspot.com/2012/03/define-me.html
This friend also introduced me to this song, which I love. Thanks to the people directing our lives that landed the two of us in the same dorm room all those years ago.
http://michellehoutz.blogspot.com/2012/03/define-me.html
This friend also introduced me to this song, which I love. Thanks to the people directing our lives that landed the two of us in the same dorm room all those years ago.
14 January 2012
Discouragement
Isn't it interesting how easy it is to turn us against ourselves? For how harshly we all judge each other, the saddest part is the exponential increase in judgment against ourselves. When somebody does something that bothers me I have to remind myself that more than likely I am just projecting my disappointment in my own behavior and that it is less about them. We are our harshest critics. There is a Selena Gomez song that I like (I know, I know). In "Who Says" she sings
"Who says
Who says you’re not start potential
Who says you’re not presidential
Who says you can’t be in movies
Listen to me, listen to me
Who says you don’t pass the test
Who says you can’t be the best
Who said, who said
Won’t you tell me who said that"
But the really funny thing in life is that usually, not always but usually, aren't we the ones to say that we can't or that we aren't good enough. We doubt ourselves, we disapprove of ourselves, and we blame it on anything and everything other than the blatant truth: we are afraid.
Afraid of failure, afraid of success, afraid of making mistakes, afraid of hurting people, afraid of being hurt, afraid of change, afraid of letting go, afraid of getting left behind. The majority of the time we can be perfectly "normal" functioning adults, but every now and then, it sneaks out and blindsides us. We indulge in self-pity and self-doubt, and then we remember that we can only feel and be inferior by our own consent (Eleanor Roosevelt). As Lady Gaga reminds us "There is nothing wrong with loving who you are...so hold your head up girl and you'll go far." or in the Pink version "Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever ever feel like you're less than, less than perfect".
While we are far from perfect, it is true that as long as we are doing our best we are doing perfectly fine. And a day every now and then to remind ourselves that we are beautiful daughters of God can't hurt at all. Remembering that "the worth of souls is great in the sight of God" (18:10), remembering that God is our perfect Father with more love for us than we can ever understand. Isn't it interesting how often the counsel we find in the scriptures is to remember? Remember the love of God, remember His mercy, remember how He never leaves us comfortless. And remember that "When heaven’s promises sometimes seem afar off, I pray that each of us will embrace these exceeding great and precious promises and never let go. And just as God remembered Rachel, God will remember you." (Spencer Condie)
So here to hope, to remembering who we are, where we came from, and where we are going!
03 January 2012
Slacker, procrastinator...
What do you mean I haven't posted for 2 months??!?! It cannot possibly have been that long. I managed to escape this last semester relatively unscathed, and my GPA didn't take to hard of a hit. I passed Christmas in Seattle and made a pros and cons list about graduate school there. It follows:
Pro Con
Humidity = Curly hair Rain (and the fact I HATE driving on wet roads)
Sisters & their children Granola people
It's not Provo Liberal extremists
No snow Humidity = frizzy hair
No snow
Traffic
Ridiculous costs and taxes
But really when it comes down to it, the pro list is heavily weighted in favor of Seattle so it is anyone's game. Graduate school applications are progressing; I was hoping to have them completely finished by now, but no... Seattle, while fun, was very unproductive. Life has started again. I am off to an endless battle of schedules, sleep, work, classes, homework, grad. applications, and dieting! Thank goodness graduation is looming only 107 days away!
Pro Con
Humidity = Curly hair Rain (and the fact I HATE driving on wet roads)
Sisters & their children Granola people
It's not Provo Liberal extremists
No snow Humidity = frizzy hair
No snow
Traffic
Ridiculous costs and taxes
But really when it comes down to it, the pro list is heavily weighted in favor of Seattle so it is anyone's game. Graduate school applications are progressing; I was hoping to have them completely finished by now, but no... Seattle, while fun, was very unproductive. Life has started again. I am off to an endless battle of schedules, sleep, work, classes, homework, grad. applications, and dieting! Thank goodness graduation is looming only 107 days away!
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