Who can find a Virtuous Woman

I wrote this post several weeks ago and then did not have the time to add finishing touches until today. As I read through it today, I am mentally and emotionally in a very different place with a different perspective on Virtue than I did those weeks ago. This morning I found myself very frustrated with and disappointed in myself as I sat in sacrament meeting. I sat there and hoped and prayed for grace as I repented of the same sin yet again, feeling all the while that I don't deserve to be forgiven since I clearly can't get the "sin no more" part of repentance down.

Moral excellence, goodness, and righteousness seemed so unattainable today as pondered the words to several sacrament hymns. "If [I am] pure before thee...to have [my] sins remitted and take His flesh and blood" and "I tremble to know that for me he was crucified, that for me, a sinner, he suffered, he bled and died." I definitely didn't feel pure and felt terribly unworthy of His sacrifice. As I tried (and mostly failed) to not break down and lose it in the middle of church, I felt a need to talk to my mother. It was very appropriate for Mother's day, so skipping out on Sunday School, I talked to my mom, about mostly absurdities and boring minutia of everyday life. I calmed down, I returned to my meetings, and for the most part I did okay. But when I read through the original 5 paragraphs of my post (my attempt to not ramble forever) I felt like a hypocrite. My words seemed too shiny, too hopeful. Even though I don't feel like a virtuous woman today, I strive to be someday. So unedited, bright and shiny, the original post:

I love the explanation of Virtue given in Preach My Gospel, the manual given to missionaries to help them to prepare to teach the gospel. This explanation states " What you choose to think and do when you are alone and you believe no one is watching is a strong measure of your virtue."

I like to think of Virtue as purity, dedication and commitment. This post started as journaling about the Personal Progress value experience on Virtue that I competed a while ago. I loved how it didn't focus on the dos and don'ts of how to have Virtue or how to keep it. This value experience focused on the blessings of living a virtuous life. The presence of the Holy Ghost at all times and all places is one of the greatest gifts of God as we can grow closer to our Savior and more Christlike through the constant companionship of the third member of the Godhead.

On of my favorite passages of scripture of all time is found in the 121st section of the Doctrine and Covenants. The entire section is a beautiful message of hope, love and promise that Joseph Smith received as a result of a heartfelt prayer for the saints while in the midst of his suffering in Liberty Jail. Looking at verses 45 and 46, we learn that Virtue will increase our confidence in the presence of God. Who doesn't want to be confident before God? Who wants to be filled with guilt and shame at that great day when we stand before our Eternal Father and The Christ, Jesus of Nazareth? "Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distill upon thy soul as the dews from heaven. The Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion, and thy scepter an unchanging scepter of righteousness and truth; and thy dominion shall be an everlasting dominion, and without compulsory means it shall flow unto thee forever and ever."

My heart was full as I read the promise of enduring righteously through the trials of this life. I know that pain and heartache are as necessary in our lives as joy and peace. Through the atonement of Jesus Christ trials can refine our souls and improve our character. I know that living a virtuous life, while it may not be the popular choice, will have greater blessings then I could ever imagine. I love the proverb "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies" (Proverbs 31:10). When I was in the Young Women's program (ages 12-18), virtue was not one of the values that we studied. I love the reminder that a virtuous woman is invaluable and is something to be sought after.

What a pleasure it is to be able to study it (virtue) now and be reminded of the power and influence a virtuous woman can have in the world today as Esther and Ruth and Sarai and Rachel and Rebekah and so many of the wonderful examples from biblical times. I am reminded of a group of mothers from my hometown  who were concerned enough about the standards of dance at a high school prom that they grouped together and met with school officials and made a plan to help their children to be virtuous. Their children may have been embarrassed that their moms were the ones making a ruckus, but to me it was a fantastic example of the power of being a virtuous woman.